Over fried mac and cheese and spinach dip last night, Jenn and I decided that we are too old to fall for young love. Let me explain. It seems that we both know people who are young, in love, and married when the circumstances around them shout out to wait! Like still living with mom and dad because you have no place to live yet. Our 30 something minds say "let's get some things squared away first before we start this life together under our parents roof". But that's the key - our 30 something minds. We would never do something like that now.
At 31 I have learned (I hope) to balance being independent and still needing someone in my life. Even the past couple of days shed light on that. I hate having to make certain decisions by myself, and I can ask others opinions and thoughts, but ultimately, the decision comes down to me. And it just doesn't seem right. Somewhere in my head and heart I feel like there should be someone here to make these decisions with me. Building a life alone can be a tiresome and lonely experience.
I've grown up a lot this past year. I guess in some ways I have had to, much to my dismay. I always thought I'd be the naive one who would fall head over heels for some guy and be swept off my feet. But now I'm the one taking things slow, thinking with my head, and seeking counsel of those older and wiser than me. So not my typical reaction. But I have no choice. Do I want to suffer another heartache like I did this year. No. Do I want to hurt someone unnecessarily? No.
And so, I continue to wait. I continue to put myself out there and experience life the best that I know how. And I trust in the end, God's got it all figured out and this time will some day make sense.
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