Everyone is telling me to get back out there and date. And trust me, I am. I'm putting myself out there and getting to know people. But sometimes I feel like there's this wall, and I'm not sure how to get past it. I know I get in my own way too often. Some days I just want to pack up all my things and move to a different country...or at least a different state. Maybe a change of scenery will help. And then I realize that isn't going to do any good. I cannot run away. I have to face what I'm feeling, take it to God, and allow Him to fix the broken parts of me.
But sometimes I'm mad at God. Sometimes I don't want him to fix me. Sometimes I just want to try and do this myself.
I know I have a big God. And I know He wants what is best for me. I know He knows my future and it's going to be great. I just don't always feel what I know. I know I will get past this. I know I will meet someone who will see me for who I am and won't let me go. I know I'll look back on this time as a distant memory. I know all my past relationships will help me become a better woman for the man in my future. I know all of these things. But I just don't feel it right now.
And isn't that what faith is all about? Being sure of the things we cannot see? I cannot see the other side of this wall. I cannot see where this story will take me. But I am sure that God will be there with me through this whole process. And while I'm not sure of how I will get there, I know I will get to the other side of this journey with Him by my side.
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